I Know I’m Not Special. But I Know I Want Different (Day 1)

I Know I’m Not Special. But I Know I Want Different (Day 1)

I’m not listening to people. And I’ll say the most obnoxious thing I’ve said since starting this media journey, and more specifically, since coming back to New York. EVERY SINGLE CHOICE I’VE MADE (drinking aside) HAS YIELDED A POSITIVE RESULT. And EVERY GOAL I’ve set I’ve reached!

This Is The Video That Aggravated Him So Much!

I had an exchange with someone I met about 5-6 years back, in a half-way house in Bridgeport, CT. We don’t really stay in touch, but from time to time he’ll chime in with some negative sarcasm, that I’m sure he thinks is witty. (You know the “I’m so mysterious and edgy-type” but is really just a jerk)

Anyway, I’m under the impression he thinks I’m out here begging for money or waiting on my big break to fall out of the sky. He probably isn’t the only person who thinks that and if anyone else does, that’s fine.

I don’t care to convince anyone. My goal is to fulfill my ambitions. And while I know it may seem like I’m just “giving up,” the opposite is true.

It’s crazier to do the same thing everyone else does and expect to be anything other than a carbon copy of the next person. I’m not saying I’m special, but I know I want different.

My greatest mistake is being a dead beat father to a beautiful 6-year old boy who needs me. And while it very much breaks my heart everyday that I won’t get those moments back with him. First steps, words, his first scraped knee. I thank god that he never got to know the drunk I was and for the strength to not only get sober but to file for visitation. That is another conversation or “piece” all-together.

When, The Idea Started Germinating…

I made a decision yesterday. That I was going to fulfill a major dream of mine that I never thought I would. I am going to travel to the world. I’m not sure how but, I know I’m going to do that. Along the way I do plan on keeping up with my responsibilities to him and more importantly us getting closer.

Anyone who is familiar with the blog has probably realized by now I suffer from extreme melancholia and as of late it has really been effecting the blog. I decided I was going to travel but I was still very sad. Yesterday was my birthday and I spent a lot of it talking about my son and how I feel a lot of the stuff I’ve been going through since he’s been born is karma for my choices in life. The sadness, I believe is me not having him around me.

And as I’m wallowing in my self-pity Mr. Luis, half-way-house-guy, takes it upon himself to try and shit on me this morning while I’m in “a state,” going as far as bringing my Son into the equation. It snapped me right out of my funk.

I’ve spoken on my issues with my Son, and for all of my bullshit, fuck ups and point-blank-embarrassments I’ve done everything I can to distance myself from the person I used to be.

But what this exchange, that started at 6AM really brought to my attention, is that I’m making the right decision. Frankly,this man has no reason to say anything other than a generic “hello” to me. But he woke up to a video I posted yesterday and felt the need to try and rag me…

Here is the entirety of the exchange…

Another Important Lesson Stay Graceful And Appreciate All Engagement. This Post Went From A Humble 14views To A Humble 46views as I’m posting. Most Yet For Facebook!🤷🏾‍♂️

He says he’s sober but my better judgment says otherwise.

This “sober adult”male making fun of my freckles is a new low!😩😂

I’m not going to be him! Let’s overlook the sobriety-talk all-together; I PLEDGE HERE, TO NEVER SPEAK NEGATIVELY OF ANOTHER’S PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS!(Mainly, because I’ll be too busy pursuing mine) Let alone go out of my way to do it. I am a LIBERTARIAN. Do what makes you happy and don’t hurt nobody!

I’m not mad at anyone for my lot in life, not even myself. I forgive me. And truthfully, for all of my sad days and moments, they’re few and far between the EXTREME HIGHS. Those days, as of late, have been coming in abundance.

I’m experiencing new things. I’m looking at old things from different perspectives. I love the person I’m becoming.

I am devoted to bettering myself for my son. So when we are able to build our bond he sees me as someone he would consider calling Dad. I hope proud to call his Dad. He’s the only guy I want to impress and the only person who has an opinion that matters to me.

Today is May 18, 2022; DAY 1 of 365.

**Notes: Too much time on social media! Didn’t leave house.

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